Inherent in any principle is a set of characteristics that define it or guiding ideas that describe it. When I refer to the Parent Principle, I seek to identify the natural and fundamental truths that collectively bring integrity to what parenthood is all about. Consider the following life events of your child:

•               Birth

•               First day of school

•               High school graduation

Each event engages parent and child in a host of interactions, potentially positive and negative. Parenthood assumes that each involved parent must tolerate and survive the inevitable trials and tribulations of family life. The Parent Principle is a collection of characteristics and ideas that underlie the meaning of becoming and being a parent.

The Parent Principle stimulates simultaneous feelings of sheer joy and base fear, rational thoughts and irrational ideas, scary and wonderful dreams. Parents must juggle the multiplicity of emotions.

The hardest part of raising children is teaching them to ride bicycles. A father can run beside the bicycle or stand yelling directions while the child falls. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard. -Sloan Wilson-

The Parent Principle assumes silent responsibility and ultimate blame. Through the eyes of the child, when life is going well the parent is often taken for granted and, conversely, when life is difficult the parent is typically blamed. In loco parentis is Latin for “children can drive parents crazy.” The duality of the parent role can never be understood by the child, that is, until the child becomes a parent himself or herself.

The Parent Principle parallels the polarizing effect of life. As a parent, you experience your child’s “highest highs” and “lowest lows” and experience the feelings like in no other relationship. Therefore, how a parent responds to the good and bad becomes the mirror of how children see themselves.

Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you. -Aldous Huxley-

The Parent Principle evolves out of a dichotomy of how parents must navigate between the highs and lows, the ups and downs, the good and bad of their children’s lives. This is where I believe the Parent Principle lays its foundation. Through self-respect and the desire to openly engage in dialogue, the Parent Principle comes alive. Self-respect and open communication is the basis of the Parent Principle.

Without self-respect, a person has difficulty handling the polarizing and dichotomous effects of parenting. Without self-respect, it is difficult to model respect for your children. By living a life that embraces self-respect, a parent models the qualities of respect that they want to teach to their children. With self-respect, parents treat their children with respect. A parent must nurture from a position of strength.

Without open communication, a child is not listened to and his thoughts, feelings, and ideas are not valued. Without dialogue the child does not learn the qualities of give and take and conflict resolution. Through open communication and dialogue parents and children share in experiencing the vicissitudes of life.

All of us, adult and child, are interrelated in a huge network called life. Our connections to one another are clear and direct as well as obscure and indirect. The factors that impact us range from biological, psychological, social, and spiritual to financial, political, and cultural. For each individual person there is no escape and the playing field is not always even or fair. However, since each of us is inextricably involved in one another’s lives, an incredible excitement and sense of hope emerges for parents because we can positively influence the paths of our children. With self-respect and open communication, that is the Parent Principle, we can give parenthood our best shot!

Victor Frankl wrote in his book Man’s Search For Meaning “freedom is the only part of the story and half the truth…that is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the east coast be supplemented by the Statue of Responsibility on the west coast.” Frankl, who lived in concentration camps during WW11, believed people determined, regardless of their environment, what they become and how they choose to live their lives.

People make choices daily about how they lead their lives. With that freedom to choose comes responsibility. Freedom and responsibility are the pillars of our society that support the foundation of personal choice. These choices become the templates in which children view their worlds. With intent or not, adults are the role models children use to make sense of their developing realities.

“Be a good role model” is a phrase we hear throughout our lifetimes. As parents, our children actively witness us as role models in order for them to imagine who and what type of person they might become. We are the yardsticks for children to measure their perceived reality of acceptable and unacceptable human interactions.

It is important to differentiate between a parent role model and all other role models for children. The parent role model is primary, other role models are considered secondary. The distinction between primary and secondary role models is not one of importance but rather one of quality. The parent role model is primary because of three distinctive characteristics. One, the parent-child relationship begins in the child’s infancy when memories are stored but not remembered. Two, the parent-child relationship lasts a lifetime and is closely monitored by the child throughout critical developmental stages when a child’s identity formation is the task at hand. Moreover, this process occurs in a sequential and successive fashion. Three, being your child’s role model endures time and because of the nature of the relationship there are many opportunities for success. By contrast, secondary role models tend to have a starting point that is clear in the child’s mind. They are often short lived and phase specific. Secondary role models may be imagined and do not necessarily have a real relationship with the child. Both primary and secondary role models are important and distinctive factors in the child’s psychological development.

How do we nurture the parent-child relationship so that we enable them to navigate the road, in Frankl’s words, between “the Statue of Liberty and the Statue of Responsibility?” The key ingredients for parents are listed below:

•            Understand your own values and be consistent with them. Take the freedom to know who you are.

•            Explore your psychological side and face your issues. Be personally responsible to your needs, do not blame, and do not allow unfinished business to rule your interactions with others.

•            Nurture yourself. Enjoy life. Laugh!

•            Allow your spiritual side self-expression.

•            Be truly available to your child’s place in life and validate the positive and negative feelings he or she experiences.

The bottom line is that when we best know ourselves, and further, take care of ourselves, we provide our children a role model with integrity.

Being a role model to our children comes as a job detail under parenting. We have the freedom to choose how we live our lives. With that freedom, we take on the responsibility to be our children’s role model. There is a slogan “if you walk the walk you can talk the talk.” When our children experience our “talk is equal to our walk,” we teach them the invaluable lesson of being true to ourselves.

I don’t remember the first day of first grade but I have a list of fragmented memories of being a first grader. It was 1960 and my teacher was Mrs. Jax. I sat in the second row behind Evelyn Gregor and in front of Jimmy Hunker. We read from a Dick and Jane primer. Morning recess was at 10:15 am. Tuesdays meant I could eat my favorite hot lunch of Spaghetti and meatballs. Following afternoon recess at 2:20 pm. we had current events and the weekly reader. Mrs. Jax was always standing at the classroom door as we filed out of the classroom at 3:25 pm…

Entering the first grade is a major developmental shift for parents and children alike. Essentially, it represents the beginning of a child’s academic career and the parent’s role as teacher becomes secondary to the institution of education. Formal education is of prime importance and the first grade experience lays the foundation for our children’s attitudes and expectations about being a student.

As children we learn some of our most phenomenal and incredible accomplishments without the help of any external motivation. We learn to walk, talk, and initiate with others because we are human. The human condition is such that we want to be social and interact in the world. We possess an intrinsic need to learn how to be connected to the external world. As we develop, we eventually become conditioned to react to others’ directions. Then, our interactions and choices become dependent on another person’s approval. As we become school age, the school environment becomes the external motivator that the young person attempts to please. Our early learning process becomes dependent on the match between ” the child and the school.” Therefore, it becomes critical that parents understand the learning style of their children and become active players in the formal education of their children.

We, as a society, essentially provide children one education from ages 5 through 18. During that time span, many challenging developmental tasks affect a child’s ability to learn. Our role as parents must turn to one of advocates for our children in their learning process. Clearly, the role of advocating evolves as the child ages. Regardless of the form our advocacy takes, our job is to help create a positive path of learning for our children that reflect our children’s individualized learning style. This is a tall order for parents!

Many children adapt well to the school environment and succeed in meeting the academic demands. In fact, the role of the parent steadily decreases with time and the child continues to thrive. Unfortunately, and in too many cases, the school institutions do not match the child’s human intrinsic need to learn. Therefore, because of the mismatch, and despite the good intentions of many excellent teachers, parents need to approach their child’s entrance into first grade with an eager willingness to positively challenge the system.

Below is a parent checklist for helping your child enter the first grade. The checklist includes practical “nitty-gritty” tips, suggestions that support the emotional well being of your child, and ideas and/or questions that will challenge you and the school.

•            PRACTICAL TIPS

•            Make sure your child is registered. If your child is attending the same school as the previous year, this may not be necessary. Are all health forms completed? Does the school have a list of emergency numbers? Does your child have specific medical needs and is the school properly informed? Is there a school nurse? If necessary, who will dispense medications?

•            Be clear about the date of the first day of school, starting time and length of the school day. Get information about the daily schedule.

•            Learn your child’s teacher’s name. Teach it your child with the correct pronunciation and how the teacher wants to be addressed. Where in the school is the teacher’s classroom?

•            Get information regarding food and drinks, snacks, etc. What does the school provide and what do you need to pack for your child? When is lunch? Can it be purchased and how much? Is the school aware of your child’s dietary needs?

•            Find out how the transportation to and from school works. Do students walk to school? Are you driving and dropping off? Is bussing involved? Is biking possible? There are safety precautions your child must become aware of and understand.

•            Does the school allow children inside the school prior to the first bell? If not, where does your child wait? Are there guidelines for after school pick-up?

•            What clothes will your child need to wear and do specific classes, like gym and art, have special requests?

•            Obtain a list of school materials that need to be purchased prior to the beginning of school? What specific materials does your child need for the first day of school?

•            Make certain your child has your telephone number and a small amount of change in his or her backpack!

•            SUPPORTIVE SUGGESTIONS

•            Be positive about the beginning of school. Share fun, personal stories. Be optimistic.

•            Acknowledge the range of positive and negative feelings associated with beginning first grade. Do not set up unrealistic expectations.

•            Prior to the start of school, review with your child his or her strengths and accomplishments from the previous school year. Highlight the positive factors as a springboard to begin the new year.

•            Encourage your child to be open to new friends and try new activities.

•            If your child is new to the school, attempt to find another child in the neighborhood who will be in your child’s class. Try to arrange a play date prior to the beginning of school.

•            If possible, visit the school prior to the first day of school. Meet the teacher and let your child ask any questions he or she may have. Tour the school and introduce yourself and your child to other school personnel.

•            Get in the pattern of talking about school and listening to your child’s successes and failures.

•            Remind your child whom he or she can go to if problems arise.

•            Some children benefit from having a “transitional object” that he or she can take to school as a reminder of home. Place a friendly note in your child’s backpack.

•            CHALLENGING IDEAS and QUESTIONS

•            What kind of learner is your child? How does your child learn best and in what kind of circumstances does he or she shine? Is your child a group learner or solitary learner? Is your child a constant questioner, requires hands-on materials, prefers repetition. Create a thumbnail sketch that describes your child’s approach to learning tasks.

•            Become a student of the school’s academic curriculum and general approach to teaching. What are the reading and math programs? Why does your school system favor any particular trend in teaching? Then, determine, for example, if the school reading program is a good match for your child’s style of learning?

•            Ask questions of the school principal to determine a proper classroom fit. What is the teacher’s style? What are the group dynamics of the classroom students? How do these qualities mesh with your child’s personality?

•            Are computers integrated into your child’s learning experience, and if so, how? What other technological advancements is your school engaged in?

•            What are the extra-curricular strengths of the school and how do they match your child’s interests?

•            What support services are provided at the school? How are they obtained?

•            If your child faces specific learning difficulties, how will the school assess the problems and provide support?

•            Remember, advocacy for your child’s education must be proactive and not only result from negative situations that occur.

When your child enters the first grade, the child’s world becomes larger. The world of learning becomes serious business. The anticipation of entering first grade is marked with great excitement and healthy worry. As parents, we do what is necessary to prepare our children for this major transition in life. Nurturing the child’s mind is a human priority!

This June parentStrategy Newsletter is the 10th parentStrategy Newsletter. I am celebrating the 10th edition by sharing my parent experience

through an entirely different medium- a rap. I would also like to thank all my subscribers. parentStrategy.com has received over 2100 hits! Please continue to send me your thoughts and ideas. Finally, I hope eveybody has a safe and wonderful summer, Happy Father’s Day, and a warm hug and giant kiss to my Dad who is celebrating his 80th birthday this month. As Monty Python used to say, “And now for something completely different!”

parenting, it’s a crazy thing. 1 day i’m beamin’, the next day i’m steamin’.

it’s a mind trap; this is my middle age daddy rap.

who would’ve thought? who would’ve wondered?

full of dreams, mental extremes, baseball stars and ballerinas, sleepless nights and stupid fights.

full of wishes, so delicious, precious peace and peaceful prayers.

my children stomp, they romp their feet on my heart, right from the start. it’s a heart bleed, it’s a fantasy squeeze through a kaleidoscope of hope. i visualize and realize. through my eyes…

infancy is like a reformulated alice in wonderland odyssey, bright moments and never-ending smelly diapers, wearing animal slippers, breast-feeding and tooth-teething, baby carriages and sunday car rides. watching them sleeping. making sure their hearts beating…

toddler times are colored balloons and cartoons. tommy tuba and sesame street. pirouettes and make believe pets. silly idiosyncrasies, discovering the world’s mysteries. beautiful imperfections and separation anxiety. an apple juice variety. asking why daddy? why daddy? do wah why daddy? do wah diddy do…

childhood is a welcome back to reality. a restored sanity. a renewed privacy. a revisit to the explicit. games have rules again. my girls with sweet curls racking fallen leaves from autumn trees. selling lemonade curbside. relationships and potato chips. a world exists outside of our family’s grocery lists…

teenage years bring back my tears, heighten my fears, and make me take a good look in the mirror. i question what i see. i question what i hear. if independence needs guidance, then guidance must set you free. if risk requires trust, then trust implies being truthful. simple truths and complicated truths. half truths and perceived truths. white lies and alibis. human equations covered with abrasions. i take a soulful mindful breathe of fresh air…

i’m peeking through the looking glass watching specs of silver sand drip from the hour glass- seconds stall and minutes melt- it’s a mirage, time dressed in camouflage.

my past and their future meld seamlessly together reminding me of my parents. my kids, my parents juxtaposed, totally exposed in my mind’s eye.

a 3-d snapshot bearing the silhouette of time.

now i’m riding the country fair merry-go-round, going in circles and working miracles.

eating cotton candy, believing everything is dandy, worrying about humanity and then i’m riding bumper cars and creating family scars.

i have some car insurance, but no real assurance other than my leap to faith that when i fall flat on my face you’ll lend me your hand and help me up again and again.

my parenting preamble, my midnight ramble, my daily internal – chatter, a private song i sing.

i hope my kids aren’t listening.

Learning is a pathway for acquiring, storing, and utilizing information. Our brains do the magic of learning in most incredible ways. There is an old Chinese proverb, “To be fond of learning is to be at the gate of knowledge.”

When our information processing is interfered with, our ability to learn is altered. The truth of the matter is: We all have some form of a learning disability. The cause, type and severity of any specific learning problem is individualistic; yet, it may fall into a pattern of definable symptoms. The Interagency Committee on Learning Disabilities, in its 1987 report to the United States Congress identified learning disabilities as “a generic term that refers to a group of disorders manifested by significant difficulties in the acquisition and use of listening, speaking, reading, writing, reasoning or mathematical abilities, or of social skills. These disorders are intrinsic to the individual and presumed due to a central nervous system dysfunction.”

When I was taking a psychopharmacology course in graduate school, I remember coming across the term ‘amusica’. It was defined as a learning problem in which individuals are unable to process music. I immediately self-diagnosed. Throughout my life…being tone deaf…getting a ‘D’ in third grade music class…being the only child in class not making the fifth grade choir…and to this day not being able recall the words to a complete song…I have AMUSICA! Clearly, amusica isn’t a classic learning disability and did not directly prohibit learning outside the music world. Yet, it is a personal example of how brain dysfunction manifests problems in the affective, behavioral, cognitive and developmental realms.

THE ABCD’S OF A LEARNING DISABLITY

AFFECTIVE: The affective realm refers to the emotional or feeling state of an individual. Learning disabilities impact the affective or emotional well being of a child. The constant frustration of not being able to learn effectively while saddled with a repeated sense of failure and incompetence fosters a negative self-image in the child. The affective realm of the child is further hampered as she becomes increasingly more aware of her peers’ relative successes. On the other hand, children who are taught effective strategies to cope with their disability and learn skills to overcome their weaknesses become stronger individuals. The affective realm of the child, in this case, is positively enhanced breeding feelings of self worth and competence.

BEHAVIORAL: The behavioral realm refers to observable human actions. Learning disabilities affect a child’s behavior. When the learning environment does not respond to a child’s learning needs, behavioral problems often occur. Acting out, aggression, withdrawal, and refusals are common examples. If a learning disability is addressed positively in a family or school system, the child may continue to exhibit frustration and act out, but he will also learn the value of perseverance and follow through as well as being open and responsive to the learning process.

COGNITIVE: The definition of cognitive refers, in the broadest sense, to memory, perception and judgment. Learning disabilities affect these mental processes in very specific ways. For example, dyslexia, which is a reading disorder, may result in visual perception problems like letter reversals (b/d) or word rotations (was/saw). The cognitive deficits are not the child’s fault and are not related to motivation! A child who has a learning disability means the child has a central brain dysfunction affecting the cognitive realm.

DEVELOPMENTAL: At each stage of development the child learns new sets of tasks in a variety of areas. Speech, motor and language problems may be identified at very early ages. Learning problems become more noticeable when children learn to read in the first grade. Actually, a learning disability, according to federal law (Public Law 94-142), cannot be diagnosed until a child falls at least two grades behind. Consequently, children are often not classified as learning disabled until they have experienced several years of academic failure! All too often, children fall into the proverbial “gray area” of unclassified problems and do not receive the academic support they desperately need and deserve. A good and thorough Neuropsychological Evaluation is central to addressing a child’s learning disability and its effects. The earlier a parent seeks professional intervention, the more likely a child will learn the tools to compensate for learning problems.

PARENTING and LEARNING DISABILITIES

We, as parents, often identify with our child’s learning style. When she is successful, we privately glow. When she fails, we secretly cry. We must be able to read the cues of our child just as our child must be able to read our cues. An unrecognized learning disability negatively affects the parent-child relationship.

Parents need to recognize, accept, and respect their child’s learning disability. With early intervention, parent advocacy in the schools, and a learning environment that understands the affective, behavioral, cognitive, and developmental factors of learning disabilities, children can learn to master their disability. Remember, we provide our children one education!

*****LINK TO KISSED AND OFF TO COLLEGE!

The parent you have become can be described by answering the following three questions.

QUESTION ONE-WHO ARE MY PARENTING ROLE MODELS?

We often ask children who are their role models, who are the people they look up to that gives them the inspiration to be unique, to succeed, and to fulfill their dreams. Children’s responses vary from teachers and firemen, pop stars and athletes to doctors and astronauts. Sometimes parents may even be the role models of their children’s dreams! But who are the role models to parents?

Television has provided us with role models from Ozzie and Harriet to the Osbourne’s. The silver screen has produced movies that depict parenting styles from “The Parent Trap” to “Ordinary People” and “The Birdcage.” The public persona of parenting is represented by soccer moms, absentee dads, single parents, and stay at home moms or dads. The popular culture’s view of parenthood is either saccharine sweet or replete with negative connotations. There is no blueprint or instruction manual on becoming a parent.

Ask yourself: Who are the parents you consider parenting role models? What are the qualities of these parents that you want to emulate? Create a list of at least three parents you identify as parent role models.

QUESTION TWO-HOW DO YOUR MEMORIES OF CHILDHOOD INFLUENCE YOUR DECISIONS AS A PARENT?

Our memories are powerful. What we remember from our childhood is a constant filter of how we interpret the world. We are whom we are from where we were when. Do the following comments ring a bell? “I walked 10 miles to and from school.” “I dressed up in my finest clothes before a train ride or plane flight.” “I played outside my house and in the neighborhood to all hours of the night and didn’t have to worry about being safe.” “We had only one TV in our house.” When we hear these comments and others like them, there is a clear and daunting message to the recipients that something is inherently wrong with them or, at least, the society in which they live.

Our childhood memories are also mixed with difficult memories that are kept private and not for disclosure. Nonetheless, they become constant internal motivators of how we do not want to behave as parents, or reminders of how similar our behavior is to that of our parents.

Ask yourself: What choices have I made in my parenting of my children that are predicated on the experiences I had as a child? What childhood memories fuel my behavior as a parent? Create a list of two to four childhood memories that influence your current parenting style.

QUESTION THREE-WHAT DOES YOUR BEHAVIOR AS A PARENT SAY ABOUT WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU AS A PERSON?

Jean Piaget, the famed child psychologist, wrote about how children begin to understand the world. He believed the child assimilates and accommodates to the world around him/her in order to make sense of it. Piaget called the shifting between assimilation and accommodation the process of adaptation. In other words, our children adapt to the world we provide for them. Therefore, the way we live our daily lives significantly impacts our households, and more specifically, affects the psychological growth of our children.

The most valuable gift you can give your family is a good example. – Jerome Bruner

Our actions often speak louder than our words. Our behavior as parents creates an interactive backdrop from which our children grow.

Consider the following list:

•            Being available vs. Being distant

•            Strict rules vs. Lenient rules

•            Long work hours vs. Not working

•            Yelling vs. Talking

•            Active social life vs. No social life

•            Punctuality vs. Tardiness

•            Clean house vs. Messy house

The above examples represent extremes and are not an exhaustive list. With each example, we can identify where we fall on the continuum. When we add up the behaviors we exhibit, we create a mood in the home and make an unspoken message about what we value. These behaviors are transformed into values. For example, the values of determination and perseverance in your academics or athletic pursuits may evolve out of a parent’s commitment to work as well as clear and firm rules about studying in school or practice in sports. Also, when children are taught by example to be responsible for deadlines and available during trying and difficult relationships, they may embrace the values of respect, honesty and integrity.

Ask yourself: What do my behaviors as a parent teach my children about what is important to me as a person? What values am I teaching my child? Create a list of 5-7 behaviors that help describe your parenting.

When we ask ourselves the above three questions, we begin to answer the larger question, what kind of parent am I? Taking stock of our parenting facilitates the growth process of…on becoming and being a good parent…

Several years ago my oldest daughter wrote a short story for her third grade English class. At the time I remember being amazed, in a bittersweet way, by her insight into the social dynamics of relationships. I felt proud as a parent witnessing her maturity and her gift for writing. Yet, I was also sad because she was beginning to understand the cruel complexities of human relationships. My daughter agreed to allow me to share her story. The fable is titled “Why Dogs and Cats Are Not Friends.”

Most people think it’s the dog’s fault that dogs and cats aren’t friends. But that is not true! It’s basically like if you don’t get along with another person. You just look way, way back and find what the problem was. Well us dogs looked way back and here is the real story why we aren’t friends.

Long ago, the dog and the cat were best friends. Nothing could come between them. They shared all their food and played games all day together. But you have to see the snakes were very poor and hungry so one day Chief Snake the III said, “My fellow snakes we are very poor and hungry. You all know that. Well I hear the cats are very rich and had no self-defense. Well if we go steal all their money and food we will be rich and have them for slaves. I will send out troopers tomorrow to capture them.”

The snakes had no idea that the dogs lived with the cats.

The morning troopers were out.

One horrid snake slithered into a home of a widow mother cat and her kittens. This cat was very rich and had two guard dogs at her gate at all hours of the day except for lunch. At lunch they ate inside with the gorgeous cat. The snake happened to slither in at lunch while the dogs were fixing up in the back room. The helpless cat got carried away.

“Help!” she screamed.

Hearing this the dogs ran fast having the sand fly in their eyes. The dogs could barely see that the cat’s tail looked like a snake’s behind.

One of the dogs ran very fast and bit off the cat’s tail thinking it was the snake.

When all the cats saw that the gorgeous cat’s tail was bitten off by a dog, the cats had great hatred toward the fearless dog.

Years later when the great dog’s army attacked the snakes the dogs won back the cats. After the war the dog who bit off the cat’s tail walked up to her and said, “Who bit off your tail?”

“You did,” she said walking away.

All the cats moved far away from the dogs and that’s why dogs and cats aren’t friends!

Well the dogs tried and won the cats back. But because the tailless widow blamed it on the dog who saved her life, the cats stuck their little pink noses up at them.

And that is why dogs and cats are not friends. So the moral of the story is don’t get so mad if you don’t know the whole truth about something.

THE END

I recall my daughter’s short story at this time of year for a couple of reasons. One, during the holiday season, relationships become the centerpiece of our existence and the expectation to be social increases significantly. We have holiday parties at home, work and school. We buy special gifts for family, friends and colleagues. Family reunions and festive meals dominate the holiday season. Close friends get together and celebrate as “makeshift” families in order to experience the holiday spirit. The underbelly or darker side, however, to the holiday season is that families and friends often fight like “cats and dogs.”

Another reason the short story is so poignant is because this is the second consecutive holiday season that we, as a country, are immersed in war and our world clearly seems to be increasingly more dangerous. Regardless of your political leaning, if you support the ‘dogs, cats or snakes,’ we, as parents have an obligation to provide our children a lasting memory of togetherness and hope, a semblance of peace and understanding.

My daughter’s fable teaches us that relationships often suffer when misunderstandings and anger prevail. During the holidays, parents can provide their children a safe haven from all the craziness. The great poet laureate and song-writer Bob Dylan wrote:

Try to imagine a place

Where it’s always safe and warm

Come in, she said, “I’ll give ya

Shelter from the storm.”

Relationships and holidays are bereft with great expectations. Too often our unmet expectations turn into heart-felt disappointments. As parent’s what can we do? The home is a “shelter from the storm” when your children sense their words are being listened to, acknowledged and understood. The home becomes a “safe and warm” place when parents unlock the shackles of their hearts and create moments of peace and unconditional kindness.

Relationships and holidays are most manageable when we recognize our own shortcomings, not the shortcomings of others, and work toward becoming more engaged in the interests of others. Parenting is most rewarding when we witness our children genuinely caring about others. When we share our homes with others and listen to others, we become the role models that teach our children dogs and cats can get along in a peaceful manner.